Saturday, 29 April 2017

You Must Keep on Hoping!

Hope is manifest in these dialogues and it is hope we distrust. Hope is against this mind, it doesn't cross it but invades; is shovelled in from the order. Is going to be beaten the shit out of it. You do realise that the violence of a nationalist will destroy you? Just wanted to check you're aware of that before you go and, say, smash one over the head with a chain or something. Because they will come back for you. Because hope has told you that standing up and that marching is just the same as it was when, say, people marched for civil rights or at Stonewall... But did anyone tell you what happened? Did anyone think of mentioning (for our current situation) the idea of the carnivalesque - and you notice now you're surrounded by cameras, you and your enemies kettled into the same physical space by police and by cameras and that intention is what's at stake. These cries for "free speech" are based on the notion that there isn't such a thing. But this is where our language fails our intention. Think about it literally. Let's think of "free" in economic terms, and let's think about how many times the market lies to us. This object is free. The conditions of exchange come later. That's how intention and speaking work. They co-relate. So this boy comes up to the mic and says something obscene in order that 1) he has exercised that freedom 2) he didn't really mean it 3) he might be arrested, hit, spat at (inside his knit zone of protection) that later his example, his bravery might fill others with hope. Hope... (fuck hope). Under the market conditions freedom in exchange can be offered then redacted. Just like intention in language. The hip modern nationalist often actually believes that he doesn't mean what he thinks he really means. That's because he's never had to think about meaning. For, say, Caolan Robertson there has never been very much at stake in it. And so young Caolan becomes tired and bored and fighty and he sits staring at YouTube all day and sees poor Tommy Robinson who says he didn't mean for the streets to be filled with men who will smash someone in the face for wearing a Hijab. That wasn't the point, says poor Tommy, and poor Caolan dribbles around him like a ghost mackerel going "but don't I deserve to be happy?" - sorry. This slipped away a bit, but it's hard to find words to describe how far someone can be split from an understanding of the function of language whilst still vehemently defending its use. The logical end point of the kind of free speech they want is for each participant to stand alone screaming into the void with no response whatsoever, not even friction in the air. No air. A vacuum of silence forever and forever. This is why I've started to believe that they are trying to immantise the eschaton, whether they think they are or not. And then, when someone is screaming the soundless block of that void into your face some self-styled middle person comes along and starts telling you to be hopeful. Everyday I wake up and I hate my body. It often takes hours for me to be able to move it into the functions it needs to express its daily life. Forgetting this happens on a minute or hour or day or week or month by month basis. Time is one of the enemies. Hope isn't so much an enemy, just another self sustaining neologism. It reinvents itself unthinkingly into every dialogue that starts to become immobile. And I'm not saying we should live in total despair (though really, that is a lot less depressing than living in hope) - I am saying that an expression of the world we want to create comes directly from that world and is probably impossible to do in language. I've no idea how. Someone please tell me never to stop hoping...

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